I recently pitched a hypothetical situation to Chelsea. I figure, at her age, with college on the horizon, she needs to sharpen that silly, fart-joke-loving brain of hers.
I gave her the hypothetical:
Me: Okay Chelsea, you have a pill in your right hand. If you take it, I die. You have a pill in your left hand. If you take it, Mom dies. You have to take one pill. Which one do you take?
Chelsea: Neither.
Me: No, Chels, you have to take one. Didn’t you listen to the rules, you stupid little fuck who has no self-confidence? The point of this whole thing is for you to make a decision about who you love and want to live on more: me or that shit-eater Mom.
Chelsea: Umm. Well, I would take half of each.
Me: What would happen then?
Chelsea: Have of you would die, and the other half would live.
Me: Could I pick which half died and which half lived?
Chelsea: Yeah, I guess.
Me: Well, I would pick the bottom half because my dick’s there.
Chelsea: But you use your mind more than your dick.
Me: Well, my dick and my mind are pretty much the same thing.
Chelsea: Oh, I never knew that. Then I would take the pill that kills you.
Now she is a man